


The One Where Henry Breaks

by BeckWeeps



Series: 5 times Henry Hidgens gives someone a hug and the 1 time everyone hugs him back. [6]
Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Group Hugs, Henry Hidgens needs a Hug, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Panic Attacks, Someone Hug This Man!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22051360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeckWeeps/pseuds/BeckWeeps
Summary: Henry is not coping. He has not been coping for a Long Time
Series: 5 times Henry Hidgens gives someone a hug and the 1 time everyone hugs him back. [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1340755
Comments: 6
Kudos: 86





	The One Where Henry Breaks

It started with Paul. Sat outside the bathroom door talking the younger man through a panic attack, as the pair communicated through gentle knocks and gentler words. Henry had been through enough panic attacks both with himself, and with overworked anxious students, that he knew not to push things and to just be there and be a steady reassurance. So Henry sat and reassured as he waited patiently for Paul to calm down, and then, when it came to it, bandaging his hand, cleaning away all traces of blood.

Hugging Paul almost hurt Henry, the touch feeling too good. 

The first Real hug Henry had received in a long time.

That night, Henry cleaned the blood from the bathroom floor.  
This time not Paul’s but rather his own. Henry needed proof that his blood was clean as he hoped that maybe this time it would stop his cold hands from the constant shaking. It did. It always did. For a little while anyway.  
It had stopped being enough though, the silvery scars left behind becoming yet more secrets hidden away under turtlenecks. 

Things Henry felt he had no choice but to hide.

After Paul, came Emma. He had been able to tell she was falling apart inside before it happened, often hearing the woman crying into her pillow late at night when she thought everyone was asleep. He had no idea how best to help the woman he considered a daughter. So he waited until she came to him, and when she broke down crying in his arms, Henry just held her, as though he could hold all her broken pieces back together.

Unlike Emma, Henry could never be put back together.

Maybe once, long ago, he could have been fixed, but not anymore. Not Anymore.

That night, Henry cried himself to sleep again, arms wrapped tightly around himself, as he tried to replicate the warmth that he craved. He had gotten used to the loneliness, the isolation. Henry had convinced himself that he didn’t need the attention or the warmth. He had been fine for years. Why now was he craving this warmth?

When Ted broke down, Henry had expected it. He could see it coming days before it happened but didn’t know how to help. But when the breakdown happened, Henry really had not anticipated just how hard Ted would break.  
Then Ted had confessed in a moment of rage that he felt he deserved nothing, and God that hit Henry hard. It was clear that Ted was not in a position to be left alone. Henry had made that mistake before with Chad and he would never make that mistake again. 

However, once Ted was more stable and being looked after by his Friends rather than Henry, he retreated, locking himself into his room. Trapped under several layers of blankets, Henry broke. His hands shook, as he covered his mouth to muffle the sobs he could no longer repress. If Ted, who is genuinely a good person, believes that he deserves nothing, then Henry deserved even less. Henry didn’t deserve these people who stumbled into his life. He didn’t deserve happiness, or love, or anything. 

Deep down, Henry really wished someone would hug him and save him from his rapidly spiraling thoughts, but he knew he was Alone.

He had been Alone for years.

It wasn’t until Henry had gotten caught up in a book that he even witnessed Bill at his worst. If worst is absolutely exhausted and traumatised that is. 

Four am.

Henry was pretty sure this wasn’t the first time Bill had been awake so early, in fact, Henry was certain of it. And yet, after a brief exchange, Henry allowed Bill to collect his thoughts for a few minutes, just observing the other man. When Bill allowed himself to break, Henry just hugged him silently. 

No words were said.

No words needed to be said.

After waking up the next morning, Bill already up and about with Henry left under the blankets alone, Henry just smiled. Yes his back hurt from sleeping in an awkward position. Yes his head was hurting from the lights. But at least he had helped Bill finally get a healthy amount of sleep.

Despite the uncomfortable state he woke in, Henry couldn’t help but selfishly wish that Bill had more bad nights. It had been the first time in a while that Henry wasn’t plagued by dreams of Them all night long. 

Henry was coping, he was okay. That’s what he kept telling everyone. 

Sure, he never wore short sleeves, even on the hottest days. Sure clothes that were once tight now hung off him like they were far too big. Sure he barely slept and his hands constantly shook from the exhaustion. 

But he was okay.

Henry was Fine.

He was stable, he only vaguely considered death, he still ate enough to survive and slept enough to function, and really, a few extra scars were nothing to worry about.  
So yes. He was fine.

Until he woke up on the kitchen floor, a shattered glass next to him and his friends looking at him with so much concern that it Hurt. Well that wouldn’t do at all. They shouldn’t be worrying about someone like Him. 

“I’m alright, please don’t fuss. I can clean up here.” Henry smiled at his friends, but the smile wavered as Ted scowled. 

“Bullshit Henry. You’re bleeding, you just fell and hit your head. Hard. So you are going to sit the fuck down in your favourite armchair. You’re going to let Paul clean you up and bandage you. You will let Charlotte cook some of that soup you like. And you will let Us take care of You.”  
Despite Ted’s stern words his hands were gentle as he helped Henry off the floor and into the front room. 

“I can assure you all, this is not necessary. I’m genuinely fine.” Henry sat in his chair, pulling the sleeves of his jumper down over his hands. He knew the glass hadn’t hurt him, and he didn’t want his friends realising what had really happened. He couldn’t stand the thought of them worrying even more about him. Henry didn’t deserve their concern.

Henry tried to shift away from Paul’s outstretched hands, shrinking further into himself but…

“Please Henry let us help you.” Emma rested her hand on his shoulder. “We’re worried about you.”

Henry uncurled, looking away from Paul as he tentatively held out both his hands for Paul to inspect. Slowly, far too slowly, his sleeves were pushed up. Henry squeezed his eyes closed. He didn’t want to see their reactions, couldn’t bear to see their reactions. He was meant to be the strong one.

Their quiet gasps and whispered no’s were what broke Henry. 

He moved his hands out of Paul’s gentle but firm grip and stood. He had to get out of there. They couldn’t see him like this. 

Someone hugged him, a warm, floral hug. Charlotte. He couldn’t get away. He couldn’t escape.

Instead, he shattered. 

His chest hurt from the staggered breaths and choked sobs that he could no longer repress. 

Henry had been shifted into someone else’s arms into a tight hug. Someone was talking but he couldn’t focus enough to hear.

Who was rubbing his back.

He vaguely understood someone asking him a question. What were they saying?

“-re y...kay?”

He tapped on whoever was hugging him once. No he was not okay.

“Ca...ou brea...w...me”

He could do that. Slowly he was moved to be sat again. Someone squeezed his hands. Henry shuddered, breathing shakily through his breakdown. 

Finally, Henry’s breathing steadied. He opened his eyes slowly but stayed looking pointedly down. He didn’t want their pity. He just wanted to pretend that this never happened.

“You know Henry, you’re a better father than mine ever was. You’ve helped me - us - with so much.” Emma rested her head on Henry’s legs. “You’ve helped us all to cope with our emotions and problems, even when you weren’t coping yourself. Let us help you Henry.”

Henry stayed quiet but nodded. He could let them help. 

That evening passed with Henry not moving from the sofa at all, his friends…

No.

His Family. 

His family holding him tight in one big warm hug, making sure that Henry knew how loved he was, how much they cared for him, how important he was.

Henry was starting to know.

He smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise if this is disjointed and lowkey bad, I'll probably edit it in a week or two. I'm off my meds currently so this is just highkey vent fic. I hope you enjoy this conclusion to my Hugs series though! I enjoyed working on it so much!


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